I realized I need to do a second update. This is feeling really narcissistic, however.
I'm not recovering as expected after getting the pacemaker. I'm extremely winded after doing just about anything. For example, I walk up a flight of stairs, and I'm so out of breath that I have to grab whatever is nearest and lean on it while I get my breath back. I've been back to the cardiologist, and they're baffled; the pacemaker is working properly and it should have solved this. They have done tests and there is nothing they can see wrong with me.
So if anyone is so inclined, I would appreciate prayer that this would get figured out. It's causing too much anxiety to my husband and parents, for one thing.
But I'm still hanging on to that "whatever." God is in this, and his ways are not my ways.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Update
This is just a quick health update on me, for those who are wondering since my last post. I had worsening symptoms (for example, extreme fatigue after walking up a flight of stairs, or getting out of breath just from walking from one room to another), and so I went in to the cardiologist on Wednesday August 22. A new EKG revealed that I had something called 2nd degree heart block--although my atrium (top half of heart) was beating at 98, my ventricle (bottom half of heart) was only beating at 50. This had not shown up on previous EKGs--apparently it comes and goes, and also it was getting worse.
The solution for that is a pacemaker, and they wanted to get it in as soon as possible, since the condition seemed to be worsening. So two days later, on Friday August 24, I checked into the hospital and got a pacemaker! It was more complicated than for most people because I had had a chemo port previously, and it had left scarring on the veins they would normally use. So I've got a bit more bruising and tenderness than usual, and I'm taking more pain medication than usual, which is leaving me a bit more sleepy and lightheaded than I had expected to be at this point. But I should be back to normal before long.
Mostly I'm still amazed at God's goodness: it's wonderful that there are such things as pacemakers, that I could get one so quickly, and that I had such good doctors and nurses taking care of me, not to mention my loving family and friends.
Thanks to all who have prayed for me! I'd love to hear about ways that I could pray for you!
The solution for that is a pacemaker, and they wanted to get it in as soon as possible, since the condition seemed to be worsening. So two days later, on Friday August 24, I checked into the hospital and got a pacemaker! It was more complicated than for most people because I had had a chemo port previously, and it had left scarring on the veins they would normally use. So I've got a bit more bruising and tenderness than usual, and I'm taking more pain medication than usual, which is leaving me a bit more sleepy and lightheaded than I had expected to be at this point. But I should be back to normal before long.
Mostly I'm still amazed at God's goodness: it's wonderful that there are such things as pacemakers, that I could get one so quickly, and that I had such good doctors and nurses taking care of me, not to mention my loving family and friends.
Thanks to all who have prayed for me! I'd love to hear about ways that I could pray for you!
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Whatever
Today I was on the floor again.
Syncopal episode is the term that the doctor uses for it. I just say "I fainted." It happened on Saturday evening when I was exercising, and it happened again today after I walked up some stairs at work and sat down at my desk. Today, once again, I found myself wondering why I had lost control of my thoughts, and then I realized that I was actually down on the floor, waking up.
After the first time, I had gone to see the doctor. That was yesterday, and she had ordered an EKG. When the EKG was done, the nurse looked at the results and said, "It's abnormal, but I don't know what it means." Then she left the room.
A year and a half ago, I was going through breast cancer treatment. Now with the nurse's announcement of an abnormal EKG, it looked like maybe I was going to have another health issue. So I decided it would be a good time to pray.
"Dear God," I started, and then paused, and then the thing that seemed right to me to say as I continued was: "whatever!" And what I meant by that was, "whatever the outcome of this is, whether I have heart problems, or something else, or nothing at all, it's in your hands, God, and I'm OK with that. I don't actually need to ask you for an outcome of any kind, because I trust you with anything. I'll just wait and see what happens and try to be your witness to the people I encounter in whatever the situation is." And although I only used the one word, "whatever", I think God knew what I meant.
The reason I was able to pray this prayer, instead of asking God to keep me from illness or harm, was because of the cancer I had just gone through. He had been with me in a strong and loving way throughout that time, and had shown me in many ways how much he cared for me (see http://takingthering.blogspot.com/2007/05/how-god-started-my-cancer-journey_15.html and http://takingthering.blogspot.com/2007/04/dogs-attitude.html). Because I knew this, I had suddenly realized, when I started to pray, that I had no fear of any new illness.
The doctor then came in and told me that the EKG looked identical to the one I had two years earlier, so it wasn't really abnormal after all. However, she wanted me to see a cardiologist. And I was actually in the process of making that appointment when I fainted again today. And Microsoft Security came, and the paramedics came, and off I eventually went to the ER!
Now I'm sitting in a hospital room, admitted for observation and tests, and I still feel the way I felt when I prayed yesterday: I am not afraid. A new illness might even be a new adventure in learning more about the depth of God's love. For what can separate us from the love of Christ? Certainly not illness. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39).
No, I still say, "Dear God--whatever! I'm with you, and that's all that matters."
Syncopal episode is the term that the doctor uses for it. I just say "I fainted." It happened on Saturday evening when I was exercising, and it happened again today after I walked up some stairs at work and sat down at my desk. Today, once again, I found myself wondering why I had lost control of my thoughts, and then I realized that I was actually down on the floor, waking up.
After the first time, I had gone to see the doctor. That was yesterday, and she had ordered an EKG. When the EKG was done, the nurse looked at the results and said, "It's abnormal, but I don't know what it means." Then she left the room.
A year and a half ago, I was going through breast cancer treatment. Now with the nurse's announcement of an abnormal EKG, it looked like maybe I was going to have another health issue. So I decided it would be a good time to pray.
"Dear God," I started, and then paused, and then the thing that seemed right to me to say as I continued was: "whatever!" And what I meant by that was, "whatever the outcome of this is, whether I have heart problems, or something else, or nothing at all, it's in your hands, God, and I'm OK with that. I don't actually need to ask you for an outcome of any kind, because I trust you with anything. I'll just wait and see what happens and try to be your witness to the people I encounter in whatever the situation is." And although I only used the one word, "whatever", I think God knew what I meant.
The reason I was able to pray this prayer, instead of asking God to keep me from illness or harm, was because of the cancer I had just gone through. He had been with me in a strong and loving way throughout that time, and had shown me in many ways how much he cared for me (see http://takingthering.blogspot.com/2007/05/how-god-started-my-cancer-journey_15.html and http://takingthering.blogspot.com/2007/04/dogs-attitude.html). Because I knew this, I had suddenly realized, when I started to pray, that I had no fear of any new illness.
The doctor then came in and told me that the EKG looked identical to the one I had two years earlier, so it wasn't really abnormal after all. However, she wanted me to see a cardiologist. And I was actually in the process of making that appointment when I fainted again today. And Microsoft Security came, and the paramedics came, and off I eventually went to the ER!
Now I'm sitting in a hospital room, admitted for observation and tests, and I still feel the way I felt when I prayed yesterday: I am not afraid. A new illness might even be a new adventure in learning more about the depth of God's love. For what can separate us from the love of Christ? Certainly not illness. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor heavenly rulers, nor things that are present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39).
No, I still say, "Dear God--whatever! I'm with you, and that's all that matters."
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