When I wrote my second health update yesterday, I mentioned that I was still "hanging on to that 'whatever.' But it actually took writing it to make it true. In the past 3 days or so, I had gotten caught up in the frustration of feeling that my cardiologist was not taking my symptoms seriously, and I felt cast adrift. I started becoming anxious and focused on my problem.
However, yesterday when I wrote my second update, I remembered my previous experience that I had written about, where I had been utterly trusting God for my health situation. I remembered that I had known that God would be there in whatever the situation was, good or bad. And I realized that at the time I had thought of the situation in a sort of binary way: either the doctors would tell me I was fine, or they would tell me I had some specific problem and would get to work on solving it.
What I hadn't taken into account was a situation where I would still be having troublesome symptoms, but the doctors might seem indifferent. And when this situation came into being, I forgot about trusting God and started getting upset.
But when I wrote the second update yesterday, I remembered my "whatever". And then I remembered that God can handle this situation, too. That doesn't mean, now that I am handing the problem off to him again, that it will instantly be solved. But it does mean that I can fret less and remember who is holding me in his arms.
I saw a series of cartoon drawings yesterday where a bunch of people were carrying crosses, and one of them kept asking God to make it lighter for him to carry, so God kept chopping a bit of the end of this guy's cross off. But eventually they all came to a chasm that they had to cross, and everyone else was able to get across by making their crosses into bridges, but this guy couldn't because his cross was too short now. So maybe there is some way in which an instant solution to my problem would not be helpful to me at this time. Or maybe it will be solved soon. I don't know--but I do know that God is trustworthy.
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By the way, I did end up at the emergency room last night (8/31), because my cardiologist had told me that for my symptoms, maybe I should just see my GP. So I called the GP's office, and they said, get to the emergency room! The doctor at the ER was great and took everything very seriously, which I feel my cardiologist had not been doing. (For example, when I walk up a flight of stairs, I have to hang onto the nearest object and pant for a while to get my breath back. I also had, it turned out, a heart rate between 150-200.) I am to see my cardiologist (or a new one) first thing Tuesday, as well as a pulmonologist for good measure. Plus I have medication for keeping the heart rate down. So things are moving along.
Thanks for the update Debbie- in the comments section. Grace & peace to you and Jim.
as to your post... that'll preach, on a bunch of different levels.
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